Spinning in Their Graves

Some of the greatest comedic geniuses are probably spinning in their graves.

Conan "My Parents Should Have Snapped My Neck at Birth" O'Brien is taking over The Tonight Show. Given O'Brien's overwhelming inanity, his complete lack of comic sense, and his overall stupidity, it's just a matter of time until The Tonight Show is dead and gone.

The original host of what would become Tonight was Steve Allen (1921-2000), a gifted comedian, writer, composer, and actor who has been credited with developing much of what defines modern variety shows. Allen hosted the show from it's 1954 debut until 1957, assisted by sidekick Gene Rayburn (who, in turn, went on to host numerous other shows, such as Match Game). Allen pioneered the "main in the street interview," still a staple of late-night television.

One of Allen's guest hosts was a little-known comedian named Johnny Carson.

In 1956, NBC offered Allen a chance to do a weekend show as well. He remained as host of Tonight Wednesdays through Fridays, with comedian Ernie Kovacs taking the Tonight reins on Mondays and Tuesdays. Kovacs, who died in 1962, was an innovator in television comedy; one of his greatest "inventions" was the Nairobi Trio - three gorillas in derby hats and long overcoats. The trio's extraordinary rendition of Solfeggio is a classic.

In January of 1957, Allen left the show permanently and NBC dropped Kovacs' participation, changing Tonight to a news-magazine format, which only lasted six months.

After the ill-fated news format, Tonight returned as a variety show with Al "Jazzbo" Collins as host for a month or so. Collins was a well-known jazz DJ who did stints on New York's WNEW radio from 1950-1960, 1981-1983, and again from 1986-1990 (when I used to listen all night, every night, working the graveyard shift on the PD). Collins' version of "Little Red Riding Hood" (adapted by Steve Allen) is well worth a listen.

Jack Paar took over in July of 1957, beginning a five-year stint as host. It was under Paar's stewardship that Tonight really became the entertainment phenomenon that it remains today.

Paar's guests tended to be more than just actors hucking their latest films, with folks like Peter Ustinov, Peggy Cass, and Zsa Zsa Gabor showing up regularly.

One of the (inadvertently) funniest bits ever to appear on television came in 1960, when studio censors cut a joke. Paar walked out in the middle of a broadcast, leaving announcer Hugh Downs to finish the show. A month later, Paar ambled out on stage and a famous line: "As I was saying before I was interrupted...I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked...and there isn't."

In March of 1962, Johnny Carson began his 30-year reign as the King of Late Night. Carson's era was not without turmoil, however: notable spats occurred with folks like guest host Joan Rivers, psychic Uri Gellar, Wayne Newton, Don Rickles, and Truman Capote. On the flip side, though, Carson also gave us some of the most enduring and iconic characters in American broadcast history, such as TV host Art Fern and Carnack the Magnificent.

Conan "My Parents Should Have Snapped My Neck at Birth" O'Brien made his name, so to speak, by writing for Saturday Night Live (during of its periodic tediously boring periods) and The Simpsons (Fox's horrendously miserable, poorly-animated fart fest). O'Brien -- whose hair bears a suspicious similarity to that of Jimmy Neutron, is -- to use a line from the late great Molly Ivins -- is about as funny as a heart attack.

Yes, there may be people who think Jimmy Neu-- err, O'Brien is a worthy successor to Allen, Kovacs, Paar, and Carson.

But I'm not one of them.

I think he's going to kill the show forever.

Schticks of One, Half a Dozen of the Other

1. Ummmmm, okay....

Headline on a product recall at the Comsumer Product Safety Commission website:

Lumetique Recalls Botanika Candles Due to Fire Hazard

That seems to me to be a "well, duh" type of thing.

Turns out, the glass jar in which the candle sits may break, allowing a fire to start.

2. Life in the Slow Lane. Or not.

One of the many catchy phrases used by the State of Maine to boost tourism is "Life in the Slow Lane," generally with a drawing of a moose relaxing in a hammock.

Up in Clinton, Maine (roughly 25 miles north of Augusta on I-95), one moose apparently didn't get the memo.

A motorist reported that a 500-pound moose "fell out of the sky."

Police Chief Charles Runnels said the yearling bull probably panicked because of the noise and traffic along I-95 and began running. He said it just picked the wrong spot to jump the guardrail, falling onto a road instead of landing in a field.

There were no reports of any suspicious squirrels in the area.

3. Gay Marriage Approved by Maine Legislature

Last week, the state legislature approved a same-sex marriage bill (finally). Needless to say, the various far-right lunatics and the Catholic Church are oppsed. The Church adamantly swears that gay marriage will destroy America.

I would be a little more likely to accept the Catholic Church as moral arbiters if they didn't have so many homosexual pedophiles running around.

Let me see if I have this straight: Father Flannigan can rape all the little boys he wants, but two adult males in a long-term committed relationship are evil?

Schticks of One, Half-a-Dozen of the Other

1. Arlen Specter, Democrat of Pennsylvania?

I believe Watertiger has it nailed on Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic party:

Shorter Arlen Specter: I'm gonna get my ass whupped in 2010 if I run as a Republican. Therefore, I shall run on the Democratic ticket, without actually having to VOTE with my new party affiliation.

Yes, Specter has done the right thing a few times, but obviously he's read the writing on the wall: the party of Limbaugh wouldn't elect him if he were the last man on earth, so he's switching sides.

2. Swine Flu

Speaking of Watertiger, she also has what could be the definitive explanation of how this whole swine flu thing got started:

http://www.dependablerenegade.com/dependable_renegade/2009/04/it-all-started-innocently-enough.html

3. New York Fly-by

By now, probably everyone has heard that some MO-ron in the White House and/or FAA thought it would be a great idea to have the backup Air Force One do a fly-by in NYC, allowing the powers that be to get some stock footage of the new plane. Everyone also knows that the same MO-ron(s) – probably in the interests of “national security” – didn’t bother to tell anyone in NYC.

Let’s see… Low-flying jet, chased (apparently) by a fighter, over Manhattan, on a beautiful day. Anybody see a problem with that?

Naw, I didn’t think so.

4. South Carolina Wild Fire

It appears – and I emphasize appears, as no definite cause has yet been established – that the wildfire plaguing South Carolina might have been started by a burn pile smoldering for a few days. The man whose burn pile has been mentioned has been receiving death threats.

His name? Torchi.

I swear, you can’t make this stuff up.

RIP: Richard Scheidt

Via FireGeezer, I learned today that Richard Scheidt died on Monday at the age of 81.

Who, you may ask, was Richard Scheidt?

We all know that "a picture is worth a thousand words." Some pictures, however, are worth much, much more. Some pictures capture the very essence of a scene far better than words ever could. The famous photo of the second jetliner hitting the World Trade Center is one of those pictures. So is the photo of the Oklahoma City firefighter carrying Baylee Almon from the rubble of the Murrah building.

Another is this photo of Richard Scheidt:

Scheidt was a Chicago fire fighter. On December 1, 1958, a fire occurred at Our Lady of Angels School, a Catholic school. The fire began about 2:42 PM, just 18 minutes before school would have been dismissed.

When the fire was out, 92 school children and three nuns were dead. Chicago American photographer Steve Lasker snapped this picture of Scheidt removing the body of ten-year-old John Jajkowski. Scheidt also pulled 19 other dead children from the building.

This picture became the icon for the entire tragedy, and was on the cover of Life magazine on December 15, 1958.

Scheidt retired from CFD as a captain, in 1986. Memories of the fire haunted him throughout his life.

Captain Scheidt leaves behind his wife, nine children, 28 grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren.

Schticks of One - Coming Out of Hiatus Edition

After a long, fed-up-with-politics-induced hiatus, a few new things worth discussing.

I. Police pursuits

First, WCSH-TV, Channel 6 in Portland, reported a day or so ago that the state legislature was looking at placing restrictions – or even an outright ban – on high-speed police pursuits. This was in reaction to some recent chases that ended in disasters all the way around. As a former police officer, I can tell you that many chases are unnecessary.

A large number of pursuits are for motor vehicle offenses – speeding, unsafe lane changes, and so on (a quick viewing of Cops, Speeders, and other similar shows displays the often questionable “basis” for pursuits). It is unnecessary and unconscionable to risk the police officer’s life, the lives of other motorists or pedestrians, or even the offender’s life for an offense that generally merits only a mail-in fine. This is aggravated by the introduction of the PIT maneuver (Pursuit Intervention Technique), where the police officer strikes the fleeing vehicle with his cruiser, causing it to go out of control. There have been many documented cases of innocent vehicles being damaged – and the occupants of those vehicles being injured or killed – as a result of the maneuver being performed on crowded highways.

Making this situation even worse is that in many cases, the police officer has been able to get the license plate number of the fleeing vehicle. I’m not sure about the laws in Maine, but when I was a police officer in Connecticut, there were statutory provisions establishing that the registered vehicle owner was the presumed operator (what the lawyers call a “rebuttable presumption”). If the police have the offending vehicle’s license plate number, they have sufficient information to track down the presumed operator of the vehicle; it then becomes the owner’s burden to prove that he was not operating the car at the time in question.

Additionally, I feel that a valid argument could be made for prohibiting pursuits of alleged drunk drivers: although already a menace on the highway, the drunk being pursued by police will almost inevitably make a mistake – often a tragic mistake – in his efforts to avoid apprehension. The drunk not being chased, however, has a tendency to try to drive very carefully, to avoid attracting police attention (in fact, we were taught in the police academy that “excessively careful” driving could be an indicator of operating under the influence).

Obviously, I do not believe that all pursuits should be banned – only those that pose an unnecessary risk to other members of the public. If the state feels that it must take some action, one option is basing a pursuit decision on the nature of the offense. For example, the state might allow pursuits in cases involving serious felonies (aggravated assault, homicide, rape, arson, armed robbery), where the offender’s identity is unknown. However, in lesser offenses like theft, burglary, or motor vehicle offenses, or in serious cases where the offender’s identity is known, the state may opt to prohibit chases.


II. Racists bailing on the Republicans

An article on the Southern Poverty Law Center’s “HateWatch” blog reports that white supremacists are saying that they have been betrayed by the Republican National Committee, which recently elected former Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele as its national leader.

“I am glad these traitorous leaders of the Republican Party appointed this Black racist, affirmative action advocate to the head of the Republican Party because this will lead to a huge revolt among the Republican base,” wrote former KKK leader David Duke. “As a former Republican official, I can tell you that millions of rank-and-file Republicans are mad as hell and aren’t going to take it anymore! We will either take the Republican Party back over the next four years or we will say, ‘To Hell with the Republican Party!’ And we will take 90 percent of Republicans with us into a New Party that will take its current place!”

Of course, it has been obvious for a while now that the Rethuglicans had consciously been wooing the racist/supremacist crowd, along with the fundamentalist Christianist community, in an effort to portray themselves as “real, working-class ‘Muricans.” This might have been more successful, had the primary interests of the real Republican leaders – accumulating ever more wealth and power – not been so at odds with the needs of the rank-and-file. The appeal of the Rethuglicans to the blue-collar crowd was three-fold:

• We’re gazillionaires, so you can be, too;
• We’ll keep them uppity n*ggers and women in their place (i.e., out of your jobs, bars, and neighborhoods); and
• All the “best” people are Republicans

Couple this with their overt appeal to the ultra-conservative, ultra-patriotic types, and they had a potent force.

For a while.

But since their poster-child, the New England blue blood, cowboy-wannabe, good ole boy, global village idiot Dubya screwed everyone with his shameless prostitution to big business, even the redneck racists are learning: the Rethuglicans don’t care ‘bout nobody iffen they ain’t rich white evangelical neoconservatives.

III. Peanut butter recall

From the Dining section of Wednesday’s dead-tree edition of the New York Times:

• Almost 900 products were recalled after salmonella tied to hundreds of illnesses was traced to a Georgia peanut factory.
• The business of selling peanut butter in America is worth nearly $900 million a year.
• When the economy goes south, it’s one of the inexpensive but nutritionally rich foods that shoppers buy more of.
• [The Peanut Corporation of America] has expanded its recall to include any foods made with its products since January 2007.
• Critics of the food industry, like the Center for Science in the Public Interest[1], say this outbreak points up how serious problems with food manufacturing can be.
  [It also points out how the lackadaisical “oversight” by the FDA under the Bush regime resulted in huge profits for big business at the expense of the health of American citizens (and at least one Canadian)]
• Peanut butter started its move to the masses in 1904 when, along with iced tea, cotton candy and the ice cream cone, it became popular at a world’s fair in St. Louis.
  
  [1] These are the same folks who provided the startling news that movie theatre popcorn is not all that nutritious, and that Chinese food isn’t all that healthy either.

More "Family Values"

From the rabble-rousing Boston Globe:

SAN ANTONIO—A former Sunday school teacher was arrested on charges of distributing harmful material to a minor after the parents of a 14-year-old boy found a topless photo of her on his cell phone.

Victoria Ann Chacon, 27, also a former middle school teacher, allegedly met the boy at their church, where she was teaching Sunday school.

You know, the more we read about the "family values" crowd, the more obvious it becomes that they have NO concept what family values really are.

What a bunch of low-life trailer trash.

A Firefighter's Death

On Monday, a fire in Hartland, ME, claimed the life of volunteer Firefighter Michael Snowman, 49. Snowman was at the scene of a house fire when he collapsed from a heart attack. As a volunteer firefighter myself, I was going to try to post something Monday evening, but I just couldn't write about it at that point.

Then I found Queenie's blog. She has an incredibly moving post on FF Snowman's passing.

Read it.

Please.

And then say a little prayer for those who run into places everyone else is running out of.

Disgusting. Absolutely Dee-skus-ting.

Last week, an AP reporter and photographer stopped at the Oak Hill General Store in Standish, Maine (about 20 miles NW of Portland), to check a tip about an "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool," in which bettors could wager on the date that President-Elect Obama would be assassinated.

Portland Press-Herald columnist Bill Nemitz:

It all started 11 days ago when The Associated Press in Portland received an anonymous tip of a sign inside the store announcing the "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool."

AP writer Jerry Harkavy and photographer Bob Bukaty took a ride out and, sure enough, saw those very words scrawled across a whiteboard inside the store.

Before they were rebuffed by a man behind the counter who wouldn't give his name, Harkavy said, they also noted that to win the $1-per-entry pool, a contestant had to pick the date that President-elect Barack Obama would be assassinated.

"Stabbing, shooting, roadside bombs, they all count," the sign said. And at the bottom of the board were the words: "Let's hope someone wins."

Of course, the Secret Service, the state AG's office, and the Cumberland County Sheriff are all investigating.

Note that the store is advocating the use of violence in the furtherance of a political objective. Guess what? Under Federal law, that makes the Oak Hill General Store a terrorist organization. I'd love to see the Ministry for Homeland Security swoop down on them.

Steve Collins, owner of the Oak Hill General Store, supports terrorism and murder. He should be arrested on terrorism charges.

The fine God-fearing folks who bought squares in the pool should also be arrested, for their obvious terrorist symapthies.

There have been other racially-tinged incidents in Maine, too:

Closer to home, a student was suspended from Gray-New Gloucester High School after standing up in class and delivering a racist, anti-Obama rant. And on Mount Desert Island, police are investigating three cases in which all-black, cardboard cut-outs of human figures were hung from trees along roadsides just after the election.

This is Maine, for God's sake. Maine, not Alabama or Mississippi or Arkansas.

Nemitz asks what can be done:

Thomas Harnett, Maine's assistant attorney general for civil rights education and enforcement, said it's too soon to determine what legal action, if any, might stem from the Oak Hill General Store sign. But he agreed with Wessler [Stephen Wessler, executive director of the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence] that what law enforcement sometimes can't accomplish, community outrage can.

"The best way to counter hateful speech is to assert one's own right to free speech," Harnett said. "It's very important for people to speak out loudly and clearly and powerfully that this is not how Maine feels."

I'd say the decent people in Standish -- which voted for Obama -- should shun the Oak Hill General Store and leave it for the local KKK contingent. I doubt there are enough racists in town to keep the store alive, especially in this economy.

Maybe someone should grab the wire frame from a campaign sign and designate the store "Standish KKK Headquarters" or "We Support Terrorism and Murder."

Oh, and when the story broke on AP, Collins -- being the brave, courageous terrorist that he is -- fled to an undisclosed location in northern Maine for some hunting.

Stevie, you like posting hateful speech, so come on back and face the music.

You hateful, racist,neocon pussy.